Can you hear me now?

I'm often amazed at the blatant defiance in some people.

Here's a for instance - going to the movies.

You know that every person in that theater sees the "turn off your cell phones" preview - everyone. If they say they don't, they are lying.

And you know why? Because most people ignore it and play with their phones anyway, like turning off their cell phone is an act against their civil rights. For some, it would seem that they go to the movies for no other purpose than to ruin the experience for everyone around them, and giggle about the miserable sighs and huffs they hear.

It's as if they can't resist breaking the rule just because there isn't a Hollywood 10 Phone Police Unit that will search and confiscate all cellular phones before the previews end.

So to combat the problem, there are now about five different cell phone previews.

There's the funny one where the culprit gets something dumped on them, the serious one that says "please" too many times during melodramatic music, and a host of others that look like Gap commercials to seem genuinely interesting until the end, when "turn off your cell phone" appears in gigantic, ominous letters.

Of course, I'm all for turning off cell phones. I've only made one phone blunder in my life, and my friends have yet to let me forget that one. (Come on guys, it was A.I. - really?)

And for the most part, people at least silence their phones, which is good enough in my book.

But the problem lies not in talking on a phone anymore - it's the texting, and the gaming, and the whatever else that creates that blue glow in my otherwise enjoyable viewing atmosphere.

Yeah, the blue glow.

It's as if I can feel the rage boiling inside when I see a little blue light in the pitch of the theater.

My stomach turns, and then my hands start to tremble, and I can't do anything but watch that little light. The movie is long forgotten.

Oh yes, it may look small, but you have no idea how detrimental it is to movie enthusiasts.

Remember when you were a kid, and your mom told you not to, but you looked straight at the sun anyway? Do you remember closing your eyes, only to see the same bright circle on the back of your eyelid?

Do you also remember opening your eyes and seeing that annoying bright circle everywhere you looked?

Same idea - that stupid light just sits there, scorching my eyes.

With that nuisance, I can't watch my beloved Keanu Reeves - I can't see his cool demeanor as he busts into a church to rabble-rouse with a fallen angel, or see the tension and regret when he points a gun at his boss/friend, who he recently found out was the money-grubbing murderer cop all along.

And yeah, it might be a little overdone, but I want to hear him - in all his glory - as he says, "I know Kung Fu," but I can't because my ears are ringing with all the hate I'm feeling at the moment.

I just want to explode - I'm missing everything because I'm too frustrated with that light to do anything but look at that light.

It becomes an inner struggle maintaining my composure, since the adrenaline has built up and I feel strong enough to vault the distance and destroy said phone - the nemesis of good movies everywhere.

I can just see it though - flying through the dark like a vampire, foaming at the mouth, hissing at the inconsiderate so-and-so while ripping the phone out of his hands. And of course, I'm beating him over the head with the phone while I rant about why he is there for all the wrong reasons and why he should leave.

"Do you realize what your phone is doing to my movie viewing pleasure?! (thump thump thump) Do you understand the consequences of your actions?! (thump thump) My dog has better manners than you, and he licks his butt! ...(thump)"

Thus, in an effort to avoid this painful situation, here are some guidelines on what conversational items should be exempt from movie theaters (including communication with your friend in the next seat):

n Anything about your boyfriend.

n Anything about your best friend's boyfriend.

n Anything about sports scores or play-by-plays. I don't care if the Chiefs won the Super Bowl, (which is highly unlikely anyway). Don't want to hear it.

Are there exceptions to the rule, you ask?

Sure, sure - here they are:

n There are no exceptions. Follow the rules! (thump).

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Katy Blair, Globe associate editor and Effingham native, can be reached at 367-0583, Ext. 214, or at katyblair@npgco.com.