The ABCs of ABCs

There's nothing more frustrating than word block.

Despite my submersion into the complex and extensive realm of the English language at a very young age, despite watching Shakespeare with my mother on those old-fashioned tapes while other kids were romping around town, despite my meticulous and incessant examination of every conversation of which I am a part or a subject - an unfortunate habit of scrutiny that involves my ears pricking at the slightest reproach or affront, whether cleverly hidden or cleverly obvious - I continuously come across word block.

As I write almost daily, you can imagine the annoyance.

"Who sings this song?"

"It starts with an 'S.' I just know it starts with an 's,' or maybe a 'c.'"

Unfortunately, Billy Idol does not start with an 's,' or a 'c.' It doesn't include either letter - anywhere.

I'd like to attribute my forgetfulness to age, but I'm not ready to begin that battle quite yet. I proved my internal struggle with jumping on Age Avenue just weeks ago, after suffering a mini-stroke following the premature discovery of a gray hair.

In my defense, very blonde looks very gray in the right light.

"What's another word for, 'a citizen who isn't in any form of the military?'"

"Uh..."

The answer I was looking for? Civilian. How long did that take? About two days. How many brain cells did I kill stressing that I couldn't think of that word? Countless.

The real problem lies in that I obsess about mostly everything. I'm a natural born stresser. When I can't get something done quick-like, it will haunt everything I do.

Thus, when a normal person can't think of a synonym to citizen, they move on to another word, satisfied they can finish whatever they are working on.

When I can't think of a synonym to citizen, I can't do anything else right until I remember what I'm looking for, because I know nothing will work as well as that word will.

"Did you remember to get the milk?"

"No, can you think of another word for citizen?"

"Can you get the mail on your way in tomorrow?"

"I know it starts with a 'c.' You know what I'm talking about, what is it?"

Or, "what time did you get to sleep last night?"

"Oh, about 2 a.m. Couldn't sleep, thought of every word known to man. Nothing."

Sometimes when I've thought so hard for so long, if I actually get the synonym I wanted, it doesn't sound right.

Is my brain not working? Am I going crazy? Can I just make up a word that sounds right? Colbert did it, after all. Why can't I?

The situation tends to get a bit frightening when my enlisted help gives up their search before I'm satisfied there's either no way either of us are going to think of it, or it just doesn't exist.

"Come on! Haven't you thought of that word yet?"

"No, I can't think of anything you haven't already said."

"Oh, whatever! Just try harder, you're not trying hard enough! Would you just concentrate and quit messing around?! Ughhh!"

My mom will recognize that exchange more than she'd like to admit - she's been an unwilling participant in it several times.

It's her own fault, really - she's the English teacher. I would expect her to carry a dictionary and thesaurus with her at all times for such moments of desperation.

And although nine times out of 10, she comes through, there is the occasional word that completely stumps us both. And then I'm in a bad mood for about a week. Until I come up with it myself. Or drive myself cuckoo trying.

I'm beginning to think my ABCs stand for aggravatingly bipolar crackpot.

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Katy Blair, Globe associate editor and Effingham native, can be reached at 367-0583, Ext. 210, or at katyblair@npgco.com.

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